Recovering Love

“I’m Amanda. I’m Tyrell’s Mom. I make sure every day to tell him that I love him and that he’s special and important to me and he always will be. He’s the driving force to my recovery. He deserves a healthy mother.”

“I think that women can help each other by being there for each other. We all go through hard times and I think it helps to share those times because we know that we are not the only ones that have been there. There’s alot of us who are struggling with the same thing. We don’t feel so alone and maybe that will give people hope.”

- Amanda, film participant

Sky Work’s most recent film, Recovering Love is a documentary about women who are deeply committed to their relationship with their children and who are also committed to recovery from their addictions. It is a film that will educate the heart as well as the mind. Recovering Love will focus on the loving bonds between these mothers and their children.

In preparing this film, we have been working with women who are recovering their love for themselves, and building their capacities to love and support each other. They have benefited tremendously from the love and support of their families, co-workers, front line advocates and their communities.

Most media “stories” about addiction have done little to humanize women who use, opting in many cases for sensationalism over complexity. This approach has done nothing to help the women themselves, many of whom are already coping with trauma and frequently paralyzed by shame, not to mention the mothers’ common fear of losing her children. Nor does it help their children, their family members, the professionals working with them, and all those advocating for systemic change at the community and policy levels.

Under the best of circumstances, addiction and stigma are interwoven. Women who overuse drugs and alcohol face greater societal disapproval and the shame it breeds than do their male counterparts. This is the case wherever they are on the socio-economic ladder, though women without strong supports – financial, emotional, environmental – are clearly more vulnerable to the fallout they must deal with than women who are economically and socially more secure. Addiction to prescription drugs and alcohol knows no class boundaries.

Though women may have to confront discrimination in the workplace and in public if their “problems” become obvious, the highest levels of condemnation are saved for mothers, who are addicted to drugs or alcohol, particularly if they happen to be using while pregnant. We’ve all heard the comments: “If she really wanted to stop, she could.” Or “She obviously cares more about doing drugs and drinking than she does about her kids.” Or “No woman who is using drugs or drinking could possibly be a good parent.”

While researching this documentary, we talked with Wendy Kunkel, a counselor at B.C.’s Peardonville House, “Eighty percent of women stop using when they find out they’re pregnant. We get a lot of women here who adore their kids and try to keep everything right for them. Their child is usually the last thread holding them to life and to hope. Social workers need to be aware that to cut the mother off may be to give her a death sentence. We need to keep the child safe but not break the survival link for the mom.”

For most female users, the core issue underlying problematic substance use is trauma. Addiction counselors and therapists working with women in these circumstances estimate that 80-100% of them are dealing with current or past traumas, including post-traumatic stress disorder. For Aboriginal women in particular, institutional and systemic trauma–a legacy of residential schools–also plays a critical role in the history of violence and cultural deprivation, which far too many have experienced.

Though becoming a mother is often a powerful trigger for change, going into a recovery program remains problematic for many women. They are afraid that admitting their substance use puts them at risk of losing their kids and even if they do want treatment, child care is a huge obstacle in most cases. Even when such care is available, waiting lists are very long. As one harm reduction advocate commented, “If you could wait three months without using, you wouldn’t need a recovery program”.

This huge life-changing effort to recovery requires the support and commitment of a broad variety of individuals, institutions, programs and workplaces. Recovering Love is designed to facilitate, inform, and encourage those crucial support systems and to build working alliances between groups. Key audiences for this documentary will be women dealing with addiction and recovery, their families, co-workers, social service agencies, health care programs, children’s aid programs, schools and colleges, the courts, prisons, lawyers and the police.

Sky Works sees women who have experienced addictions as participants and peer facilitators in an ongoing process of community development and change. Reducing stigma and discrimination – in families, among professionals, in the media, in the courts, in the workplace, in public opinion – is crucial if the social and political changes needed to support women and their families are to be put into place.

Diane Massicotte, a former board member at the Iris Addiction Recovery Centre for Women in Sudbury, is Executive Producer of Recovering Love. Diane has worked tirelessly to raise the funds, build partnerships and bring this entire project to fruition. We are grateful for her hard work and tireless dedication.

Funders and Partners

• United Steelworkers of America
• Iris Addiction Recovery for Women
• The Charles and Lillian Dobson Charitable Foundation
• Mine Mill Union (Local, National and Mining Council)
• Pioneer Construction
• Laamanen Construction
• Laurentian University’s Students General Association
• Laurentian Publishing Limited
• Knights of Columbus (Val Caron)
• Sheet Metal Workers Union, Local 504
• And many generous individual donors